Word Night, November 27 - December 3

Philippians 4:6-8

vs. 6- Don't be anxious in anything-

-What are the areas of your life that you are most anxious about?  What things need to happen or change in your life to move from anxiety to finding the peace of God?

vs. 7- Keep the lines of communication open-

-Just like with God, many times we don't try to communicate clearly with our spouses or girlfriends/boyfriends until things get bad.  What are the advantages of communicating clearly?  How can you make communication with and reliance on God a part of the entire relationship process, and not just when you need a problem solved?

-When was there a time when you let your heart guide you and it was a bad decision?  What is usually the deciding factor when making important decisions for you?

vs. 8- Let's take a look at these characteristics and analyze them in our own lives. 
Answer the questions:
A.  What do these attributes look like in my life?
B.  What does this look like in my spouse's life?
C.  If you're single, how can you effectively spot these characteristics in your sweetheart's life to know you are making a good relationship decision?

1. True: Real, Genuine.  Opposite: Deceitful
2. Honorable: noble, possessing very high or excellent qualities or properties.
3. Just: right, proper.  Opposite: unfair
4. Pure: free from pollutants, impurities, and adulterants.  Opposite: Not genuine
5. Lovely: enjoyable, delightful, beauty that appeals to the emotions as well as the eyes.  Opposite: Disagreeable.
6. Commendable: Admirable, to treat with pleasure, wonder, and approval.  Have a high opinion of and respect for.  Opposite: hateful
7. Excellence: Highest or finest quality, first-class, highest level of good.  Opposite: second-rate, inferior.
8.  Praiseworthy: merits praise, highly commendable.

Finally, put some closure on the relationship series.  Ask you group what was the most helpful.  What got left out?  What were questions that they have that they wished were answered.  This will be a huge help for us as we plan relationship things in the future.

Also, remind them that in January of 2012, we are starting a 6 week rGroup on Sunday nights that is open to the entire church.  We will meet at 6:00 at the Children's Museum, and we will go through the book "iMarriage" by Andy Stanley.  It's a great relationship resource for singles and marrieds alike.

The reason we are doing this is to make sure we are not only teaching what the Bible says about healthy relationships, but also offering practical steps for people to help them in their relationships everyday.  We already have 3 rGroups that have decided to attend the iMarriage group for the first part of 2012 instead of meeting as a group like they have been doing.  It could be a good change of pace for your group and will definitely be insightful and helpful for everyone that goes through the study.

Word Night, November 20 - November 26

Here are a few things to consider from the Genesis 24 passage:

First, a godly mate should be sought only when it is certain that marriage will achieve the purposes God has for our lives. Isaac needed a wife because he must become a husband and father to fulfill his part in the outworking of the Abrahamic covenant. While it is the norm for men to marry, let us not forget that the Bible informs us that it is sometimes God’s purpose to keep some of His servants single (I Corinthians 7:8-24). Marriage should only be sought for those who will achieve God’s purpose by having a mate and, perhaps, a family.

Second, if we would have a godly mate we must wait for God’s time. So many times men and women get in a hurry when it comes to relationships, afraid that if they don't get married now, then they never will. They married those who were unbelievers or uncommitted because they concluded that anyone was better than no one. Isaac was 40 years old when he married. By some standards that was about 10 years late (cf. Genesis 11:14,18,22). It is well worth waiting for the mate of God’s choice.

Third, if we would have a godly mate we must look in the right place. Abraham instructed his servant not to look for a wife among the Canaanites. He knew that his relatives feared God and that their offspring would share a common faith. That is where the servant went to look, no matter if it were many dusty miles distant.

I do not know why Christians think they will find a godly mate in a singles bar or some other such place. I do not fault any Christian for attending a Christian college or attending a church group with the hope of finding a marriage partner there. If we wish a godly mate, let us look where godly Christians should be. If God does not provide one in this way, He can certainly do so in His own sovereign way.

Fourth, if you would have a godly mate you must seek godly qualities. I notice that Abraham’s servant did not evaluate Rebekah on the basis of her physical appearance. If he had she would have passed with flying colors (cf. 24:16). To the servant beauty was a desirable thing, but it was not fundamental. The woman he sought must be one who trusted in the God of Abraham and who had maintained sexual purity. Fundamentally, she must be a woman who manifested Christian character as reflected in her response to the request for water. This servant knew from experience and wisdom the qualities which are most important to a successful marriage. Just being a woman who believed in the God of Abraham was not sufficient. Just because one is a Christian does not make them a good candidate for marriage.

Word Night- November 13-19

-Ephesians 5:22-30
-I Peter 3:1-7

-What are the different definitions of "manhood" today?  (from media, music, academia, culture, family history/influence)

-Being a male is biological and happens naturally.  Becoming a man is "learned."  Agree?  Give examples.  Guys, who taught you to be a man?  Girls, who do you look to as an example in your life of what a man should look/act/talk like?

-Girls' List of Things to Look for in a Guy
OR
-Guys' list of How to Be a Man

1. Love Her and be Sacrificial for Her (5:25)

2. Encourage Her, build Her up, and Speak highly of her (5:26)

3. Take responsibility, know what to do, and do it. (5:27)

4. Put others before yourself (5:28)

5. Provide for Her, Protect Her, and Value Her (5:29)

-How does this list compare to the lists from question 1?  Girls, does your list look anything like this one?

Ways that you can work on these passages this week:

-Guys:

-Do you talk bad about your wife when you are joking around with your friends at work?

-Are you only focused on you and your wants and desires?

-Do you take responsibility for your actions, or are you always looking for a scapegoat?

-Do you have your own life in order?  Finances, time management, employment, etc.  Are you a man, or are you still a boy?

-My marriage counseling for guys simplifies down to three steps.  1. Shut-up.  Stop bad mouthing your wife in front of your friends.  Stop saying anything that does not edify her or build her up. 2.  Man-up.  Start loving your wife sacrificially.  Don't be so concerned with yourself.  3.  Grow-up.  Stop blaming your wife for what's wrong.  Stop making excuses.  It's your responsibility.

-Girls:

-Are you compromising in your relationships because he's cute, rich, or "better than nothing?"

-What's your criteria for relationships?  What/Who is the bar that is set for your man?

-If you are married, how do you encourage your husband to submit his life to Christ?  Submit to him when you know he is seeking Jesus?

-No man ever wanted to go to church or get closer to Jesus as the result of a nagging wife.  Don't try to guilt him into a relationship with Jesus.  Pray for your husband daily.

Word Night, November 7th-13th

Philippians 2:1-8

-What were the overall points or ideas conveyed during the message on Sunday?

-What stuck out to you the most?

-Guys and Girls: Where do you get your ideas and presuppositions of marriage from?  Your parents, movies, friends, other family members, books, culture, etc.

-Let's take a look at the different key words that were mentioned during the message on Sunday:

Philippians 2:1
1. encouragement
2. comfort
3. fellowship
4. tenderness
5. compassion

2:2
1. like minded
2. same love
3. one spirit
4. one purpose

2:3
1. selfish ambition
2. vain conceit
3. humility
4. selfless


-How have you experienced these different actions or emotions?  What was the result?

-How have some of these panned out in your relationships, good or bad?

-Who is setting the bar for your viewpoints of relationships now?  In other words, who are you modeling your actions and attitudes after when it comes to your relationships?

-How different would your relationships look if you modeled yourself after Jesus?

-I know your spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, significant other has problems, but let's take a look at our own lives and get them grounded in Jesus before we look at the problems of others.

-Read Matthew 7:3-5.  How does this verse correlate with marriage and relationships?

-Remember to invite people to the relationship series next week!

Word Night, October 30-November 5

1. How is the description of Solomon (12:9-10) similar to the description of a scribe’s work in Ezra 7:10? In what way(s) should my life be similar to those of Solomon and Ezra? Even though I am not in vocational ministry, how is the Lord calling me to step up my own spiritual disciplines and public ministry?


2. What is my favorite book besides the Bible? How has this book impacted my spiritual growth? How many books have I read in the past twelve months? In what ways have these books benefitted me? How can I balance my reading of the Bible and my reading of books?


3. What does it mean to “fear God” (12:13)? How would I define this in my own words? Is there an illustration or analogy that I could use? In what ways do I exhibit a fear of God? Where do I need to still grow in this area? Who do I know that really seems to fear God? What can I learn from him or her?


4. Does it seem difficult to “keep God’s commands” (12:13)? Why or why not? How should we understand 1 John 5:3, which says that God’s commandments “are not burdensome?” What about Jesus’ own words, “My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matt 11:30)? How can I make sense of these verses when they do not seem to be true of my experience? In what area of my life do I find it the most difficult to obey God?


5. Am I prepared for my future judgment (12:14)? If Jesus were to come today and I was called to give an account of my life, would I be ready? Does a day of future reckoning motivate me or paralyze me? How can I possess a proper motivation? Read 1 Peter 4:8 and 1 John 4:17-18. What will it take for me to hear Jesus say, “Well done, good and faithful slave” (Matt 25:21, 23)?

Word Night, October 23-29

1. Do I genuinely enjoy life (11:7-8)? What evidence can I provide to substantiate this? What would my spouse and children say? What about my coworkers, neighbors, and fellow church members? Would those who know me best say that I am content and joyful? Or would they say that I am constantly stressed and consumed with work, ministry, and various challenges?


2. Did I make the most of my childhood and young adult years (11:9-10)? What memories can I share that demonstrate this? How and when did I fail to truly enjoy my youth? Did I try to grow up too fast? If so, what mistakes did I make along the way? What regrets do I have? How can I share the errors of my ways with my own children and grandchildren to prevent them from making my same mistakes? It may be best to ask the question: If I could live my childhood and youth all over again, what would I do differently?


3. What does it mean to “remember” the Lord (12:1)? In what ways did I strive to do this in my youth? How am I seeking to remember the Lord today? What role does a future judgment (11:9) play in remembering the Lord? How should this motivate me today?


4. How have I experienced my age catching up with me (12:2-7)? What bodily weaknesses have discouraged me the most? Have I shared my disappointments with others and experienced their comfort and empathy? How does the realization that I am deteriorating draw me closer to my Creator?


5. Why is life described as “vanity” (12:8; cf. 1:2)? How have I recently experienced the fleeting and frustrating nature of life? What has been my response? How has the book of Ecclesiastes changed my perspective? What can I do to not merely survive but thrive in the midst of life?

Word Night, October 16-19

Ecclesiastes 10:8-11:6 How would I describe my work ethic (10:8-10)? Is my work performance exemplary? Does it stand out to my boss and coworkers? Read Ephesians 6:5-8 and Colossians 3:17, 23. Am I wise in how I lead those that I have been given responsibility over (10:16-19)? Read Ephesians 6:9 and Colossians 4:1. In what circumstances do I tend to talk too much (10:11-15)? What steps can I take to say less today? Read Proverbs 10:19. How can I squelch my tendencies to gossip and slander (10:20)? How can I help others to guard their tongues? Read Luke 12:3. How would I describe my financial stewardship (11:1-2)? Do I invest wisely and diversely? Are my spouse and I in agreement on the level of risk we are willing to assume? Am I actively seeking godly financial counsel? Whom do I seek this counsel from? How often do I revisit my financial portfolio? How has the Lord demonstrated His faithfulness to me in my finances? In what areas of my life have I been afraid to move forward for fear of failure (11:3-4)? What steps of faith could I take in the next week? How would my life be different if I began to confront my fears? When have I confronted my fears with God’s Word and His courage? What was the result? How well do I handle failure? What lessons have I learned from my past mistakes? Am I gun-shy about the future? If so, what needs to change in my own heart before I can be bold again? What project, dream, idea, or initiative have I been postponing? When do I plan to get started? What is the first step I need to take? What am I waiting for? Since I cannot know God’s thoughts or ways (11:2, 5, 6), how should I live? What is my understanding of God’s will? What freedoms do I have to make decisions? What does God ultimately hold me responsible to do? How can I be faithful to discern His plans and purposes for my life?