Word Night, November 27 - December 3

Philippians 4:6-8

vs. 6- Don't be anxious in anything-

-What are the areas of your life that you are most anxious about?  What things need to happen or change in your life to move from anxiety to finding the peace of God?

vs. 7- Keep the lines of communication open-

-Just like with God, many times we don't try to communicate clearly with our spouses or girlfriends/boyfriends until things get bad.  What are the advantages of communicating clearly?  How can you make communication with and reliance on God a part of the entire relationship process, and not just when you need a problem solved?

-When was there a time when you let your heart guide you and it was a bad decision?  What is usually the deciding factor when making important decisions for you?

vs. 8- Let's take a look at these characteristics and analyze them in our own lives. 
Answer the questions:
A.  What do these attributes look like in my life?
B.  What does this look like in my spouse's life?
C.  If you're single, how can you effectively spot these characteristics in your sweetheart's life to know you are making a good relationship decision?

1. True: Real, Genuine.  Opposite: Deceitful
2. Honorable: noble, possessing very high or excellent qualities or properties.
3. Just: right, proper.  Opposite: unfair
4. Pure: free from pollutants, impurities, and adulterants.  Opposite: Not genuine
5. Lovely: enjoyable, delightful, beauty that appeals to the emotions as well as the eyes.  Opposite: Disagreeable.
6. Commendable: Admirable, to treat with pleasure, wonder, and approval.  Have a high opinion of and respect for.  Opposite: hateful
7. Excellence: Highest or finest quality, first-class, highest level of good.  Opposite: second-rate, inferior.
8.  Praiseworthy: merits praise, highly commendable.

Finally, put some closure on the relationship series.  Ask you group what was the most helpful.  What got left out?  What were questions that they have that they wished were answered.  This will be a huge help for us as we plan relationship things in the future.

Also, remind them that in January of 2012, we are starting a 6 week rGroup on Sunday nights that is open to the entire church.  We will meet at 6:00 at the Children's Museum, and we will go through the book "iMarriage" by Andy Stanley.  It's a great relationship resource for singles and marrieds alike.

The reason we are doing this is to make sure we are not only teaching what the Bible says about healthy relationships, but also offering practical steps for people to help them in their relationships everyday.  We already have 3 rGroups that have decided to attend the iMarriage group for the first part of 2012 instead of meeting as a group like they have been doing.  It could be a good change of pace for your group and will definitely be insightful and helpful for everyone that goes through the study.

Word Night, November 20 - November 26

Here are a few things to consider from the Genesis 24 passage:

First, a godly mate should be sought only when it is certain that marriage will achieve the purposes God has for our lives. Isaac needed a wife because he must become a husband and father to fulfill his part in the outworking of the Abrahamic covenant. While it is the norm for men to marry, let us not forget that the Bible informs us that it is sometimes God’s purpose to keep some of His servants single (I Corinthians 7:8-24). Marriage should only be sought for those who will achieve God’s purpose by having a mate and, perhaps, a family.

Second, if we would have a godly mate we must wait for God’s time. So many times men and women get in a hurry when it comes to relationships, afraid that if they don't get married now, then they never will. They married those who were unbelievers or uncommitted because they concluded that anyone was better than no one. Isaac was 40 years old when he married. By some standards that was about 10 years late (cf. Genesis 11:14,18,22). It is well worth waiting for the mate of God’s choice.

Third, if we would have a godly mate we must look in the right place. Abraham instructed his servant not to look for a wife among the Canaanites. He knew that his relatives feared God and that their offspring would share a common faith. That is where the servant went to look, no matter if it were many dusty miles distant.

I do not know why Christians think they will find a godly mate in a singles bar or some other such place. I do not fault any Christian for attending a Christian college or attending a church group with the hope of finding a marriage partner there. If we wish a godly mate, let us look where godly Christians should be. If God does not provide one in this way, He can certainly do so in His own sovereign way.

Fourth, if you would have a godly mate you must seek godly qualities. I notice that Abraham’s servant did not evaluate Rebekah on the basis of her physical appearance. If he had she would have passed with flying colors (cf. 24:16). To the servant beauty was a desirable thing, but it was not fundamental. The woman he sought must be one who trusted in the God of Abraham and who had maintained sexual purity. Fundamentally, she must be a woman who manifested Christian character as reflected in her response to the request for water. This servant knew from experience and wisdom the qualities which are most important to a successful marriage. Just being a woman who believed in the God of Abraham was not sufficient. Just because one is a Christian does not make them a good candidate for marriage.

Word Night- November 13-19

-Ephesians 5:22-30
-I Peter 3:1-7

-What are the different definitions of "manhood" today?  (from media, music, academia, culture, family history/influence)

-Being a male is biological and happens naturally.  Becoming a man is "learned."  Agree?  Give examples.  Guys, who taught you to be a man?  Girls, who do you look to as an example in your life of what a man should look/act/talk like?

-Girls' List of Things to Look for in a Guy
OR
-Guys' list of How to Be a Man

1. Love Her and be Sacrificial for Her (5:25)

2. Encourage Her, build Her up, and Speak highly of her (5:26)

3. Take responsibility, know what to do, and do it. (5:27)

4. Put others before yourself (5:28)

5. Provide for Her, Protect Her, and Value Her (5:29)

-How does this list compare to the lists from question 1?  Girls, does your list look anything like this one?

Ways that you can work on these passages this week:

-Guys:

-Do you talk bad about your wife when you are joking around with your friends at work?

-Are you only focused on you and your wants and desires?

-Do you take responsibility for your actions, or are you always looking for a scapegoat?

-Do you have your own life in order?  Finances, time management, employment, etc.  Are you a man, or are you still a boy?

-My marriage counseling for guys simplifies down to three steps.  1. Shut-up.  Stop bad mouthing your wife in front of your friends.  Stop saying anything that does not edify her or build her up. 2.  Man-up.  Start loving your wife sacrificially.  Don't be so concerned with yourself.  3.  Grow-up.  Stop blaming your wife for what's wrong.  Stop making excuses.  It's your responsibility.

-Girls:

-Are you compromising in your relationships because he's cute, rich, or "better than nothing?"

-What's your criteria for relationships?  What/Who is the bar that is set for your man?

-If you are married, how do you encourage your husband to submit his life to Christ?  Submit to him when you know he is seeking Jesus?

-No man ever wanted to go to church or get closer to Jesus as the result of a nagging wife.  Don't try to guilt him into a relationship with Jesus.  Pray for your husband daily.

Word Night, November 7th-13th

Philippians 2:1-8

-What were the overall points or ideas conveyed during the message on Sunday?

-What stuck out to you the most?

-Guys and Girls: Where do you get your ideas and presuppositions of marriage from?  Your parents, movies, friends, other family members, books, culture, etc.

-Let's take a look at the different key words that were mentioned during the message on Sunday:

Philippians 2:1
1. encouragement
2. comfort
3. fellowship
4. tenderness
5. compassion

2:2
1. like minded
2. same love
3. one spirit
4. one purpose

2:3
1. selfish ambition
2. vain conceit
3. humility
4. selfless


-How have you experienced these different actions or emotions?  What was the result?

-How have some of these panned out in your relationships, good or bad?

-Who is setting the bar for your viewpoints of relationships now?  In other words, who are you modeling your actions and attitudes after when it comes to your relationships?

-How different would your relationships look if you modeled yourself after Jesus?

-I know your spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, significant other has problems, but let's take a look at our own lives and get them grounded in Jesus before we look at the problems of others.

-Read Matthew 7:3-5.  How does this verse correlate with marriage and relationships?

-Remember to invite people to the relationship series next week!